Last week I embarked upon the final leg of my seminary journey. I am in my last year at Divinity School, and find myself equally excited and terrified. I'm excited for a final year of friendship and fellowship, laughter and tears, fun, and profound experiences. I'm excited to soak up one more year of amazing classes at Yale-- to learn as much as I possibly can from the amazing professors and resources in this place. I'm excited to see what lies ahead for me-- what new experiences might await me. But yes, I'm also terrified. The future is uncertain, and there are not a plethora of jobs awaiting those of us who graduate this year. I'm nervous about leaving YDS-- this place where I've met so many amazing people-- to once again start over, meet new people, and find my place in a much larger, much scarier world.
As the first week of classes came to an end, I found my fear overcoming my excitement. So this morning I sat down with my good friend Henri Nouwen to reflect upon the coming year and try to regain some perspective. I was reminded, reading the words of this wonderfully spiritual man, to take some time in silence and solitude to tend to God's flame within. How wonderful it was to sit in silence for 45 minutes and simply be. To sit and let myself reconnect with God's flame of love that resides within the human heart. That flame that so often gets drowned out by all the noise of the frenetic world we live in. It's easy, at a place like Yale, to get caught up in the verbosity of the place. Everyone has something to say-- and one feels compelled to join in the endless chorus of debates and opinions swirling around. But words can only point to the truth, and our limited language can perhaps never truly embody ultimate truth. So to take time for silence-- to re-member oneself and one's connection to God-- is an immensely valuable exercise.
After sitting in that place of solitude and quiet this morning, I feel more connected to why I came here in the first place. I remember God's amazing love, and I tend the flame that is God's presence within me. I tend that flame so that when it comes time to let someone else warm themselves with that flame, I will have enough to share.
