CPE really puts things in perspective.

More specifically, the patients I see on the oncology unit really put things in perspective. Again and again, I find myself talking to people who are dealing with more suffering than any one person should have to deal with in one lifetime. People who are fighting not only cancer, but cancer and kidney disease. Or cancer and depression. People who have lost years of their lives in their struggle with disease. People who struggle alone, with no family and few friends to take care of them. People who fight the horrific disease that is cancer only to know that if they survive, they will face another struggle when they have to go home and face outrageous medical bills that they have no insurance to cover (or their insurance just doesn't help enough). While Yale-New Haven Hospital doesn't turn anyone away, that doesn't mean that at the end of the day, they aren't going to send out a bill. Once the patient leaves the hospital, however, it's not the hospital's responsibility anymore.

It's a hotbed of suffering, the hospital. And it puts my life wildly into perspective. It makes me wonder about the strength of my own faith. Has it really ever been tested? How would my faith fare if I were to suffer the kinds of trials that I've seen over the past four weeks? Would I be like one of my patients, who talked about how the prophet Isaiah said that even though we walk through fire, God doesn't let us get burned? Or would I be like so many others, who are angry with God, or have simply ceased to believe in a God who would allow so much suffering? I'm always impressed with the former, and I can't blame the latter. I get angry at God too, on their behalf.

In the midst of all the suffering, however, my committment to the gospel is strengthened. Too many of us go through our lives blind to the suffering that happens in our midst, and CPE has been a reminder to me that this world needs people who are willing to take off the blinders and really see people who are suffering. To really see them, and acknowledge their pain, and love them. Isn't that what Jesus would do?