“Let us not underestimate how hard it is to be compassionate. Compassion is hard because it requires the inner disposition to go with others to the place where they are weak, vulnerable, lonely, and broken. But this is not our natural response to suffering. What we desire most is to do away with suffering by fleeing from it or finding a quick cure for it. As busy, active, relevant ministers, we want to earn our bread by making a real contribution. This means first and foremost doing something to show that our presence makes a difference. And so we ignore out greatest gift, which is our ability to enter into solidarity with those who suffer.”
-Henri Nouwen, from “The Way of the Heart
One of my biggest pet peeves about the church today (and I mean ‘church’ in the most general sense) is how irrelevant it can seem. Amidst all the injustice and suffering in the world—war, poverty, famine, racism, homophobia, etc—what is the church really doing to make things better? Sometimes it can seem like the church actually makes things worse!! One of my big questions over the past few years has been how to make the church more relevant. Because of that, I sometimes get preoccupied with how I personally can be relevant, which is what leads to my obsession with being “useful”. Nouwen’s quote really speaks to this, and really convicts me.
This quote came along at the perfect time, because I think my experiences at the hospital are finally starting to teach me that a ministry of presence is in fact very relevant-- perhaps as relevant as it gets. I’ve been able to build relationships with a few of my patients, and for the first time, I feel like I’m actually doing ministry.
I am also starting to see the direct ways in which this is making me a better pastor. By letting go some of my anxiety about being “useful”, I am getting better at being fully present. I’m learning that there is no way to really be in solidarity with someone if your own anxiety prevents you from being fully present. If I am preoccupied with how nervous I am, then I am not giving my full attention to the other person. But if I am fully present, I walk out of the room feeling like the interaction went well, and I am blessed with more confidence for the next visit.
Not only does this make me a better pastor, but I think it makes me a better person. Because when we fully open up ourselves to another person, when we are fully present with them, we expand our own humanity. In all the human suffering we face, we can recognize that none of it is truly alien to us. Nouwen goes on to say that this kind of compassionate solidarity helps us see that “the roots of all conflict, war, injustice, cruelty, jealousy, and envy are deeply anchored in our own hearts.” In thinking about how the church can be relevant, I think this is a profound observation, because the realm of the human heart is where the church can often be the most effective agent of change. And it is the realm of the human heart that we deal with every day as chaplains!
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