It's comin' on Christmas, and I've got lots to think about this season. As I enjoy being at home in Iowa, sitting in front of the fire with an endless supply of coffee and cocoa, I am also attempting to finish my ordination paper before the beginning of the new year. This is the paper that will be submitted to the committee that decides whether or not I will be considered for ordination in the United Church of Christ. Not a small deal. And as I work on that, I must also begin to think about how to navigate my final semester at Divinity school. One million questions come into my mind as I think about what's in store in the next six months:
Where will I live? Will I stay on the east coast? Will I stay in Connecticut?
What if the perfect job comes along and takes me away from the people I care about?
Am I willing to start all over again meeting new people and making new friends? Should I try to stay close to family?
Will I be good at this? What if I fail? What if I can't find a job? What if I find a job but it's not the right one?
All of these questions, and so many more, are in my mind as I write a paper that is primarily about faith. I am reminded, as I work on this, that my faith instructs me to trust in God. It was faith that brought me to Divinity school, faith that carried me through, and faith which must now carry me onward. And so, after asking all the questions that fill me with anxiety, I am compelled to ask one more question, which is: am I willing to trust God? Am I willing to trust that whatever happens, I can do the work I am called to do, even if it doesn't look exactly like I think it should? I hope that the answer to that last question is yes. I can only imagine that as the next few months go by that question will continue to challenge me, and that there will be times when trusting God will be difficult. I've been struggling to come up with my new years resolutions, so perhaps this should be my primary resolution this year. Trust. To trust God, but also to trust my family and friends who support me. And of course, to trust myself-- perhaps the hardest resolution of all!
