I had my attention called to this article from the New Yorker by one of the chaplains at Yale-New Haven Hospital. I thought it was interesting because it offers an analysis of the health care crisis that isn't the usual private vs. public plan debate. The overall point the author is trying to make is that America's health care problems are due in large part to the fact that health care in this country is profit driven rather than patient centered.
http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2009/06/01/090601fa_fact_gawande
Having spent all of last summer interviewing doctors about what they thought was wrong with health care in America, I have to say that I think this article is spot on. Almost every doctor I spoke with bemoaned the fact that health care has become a business-- controlled not by doctors but by HMO's, insurance companies, and drug companies. Of course this isn't true everywhere, as is evidenced by some of the examples cited in the article. But if the national debate doesn't start to address the problem of profit-driven health care, in the end, it won't matter who ends up footing the bill for health care reform-- it will become unsustainable.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
CPE really puts things in perspective.
More specifically, the patients I see on the oncology unit really put things in perspective. Again and again, I find myself talking to people who are dealing with more suffering than any one person should have to deal with in one lifetime. People who are fighting not only cancer, but cancer and kidney disease. Or cancer and depression. People who have lost years of their lives in their struggle with disease. People who struggle alone, with no family and few friends to take care of them. People who fight the horrific disease that is cancer only to know that if they survive, they will face another struggle when they have to go home and face outrageous medical bills that they have no insurance to cover (or their insurance just doesn't help enough). While Yale-New Haven Hospital doesn't turn anyone away, that doesn't mean that at the end of the day, they aren't going to send out a bill. Once the patient leaves the hospital, however, it's not the hospital's responsibility anymore.
It's a hotbed of suffering, the hospital. And it puts my life wildly into perspective. It makes me wonder about the strength of my own faith. Has it really ever been tested? How would my faith fare if I were to suffer the kinds of trials that I've seen over the past four weeks? Would I be like one of my patients, who talked about how the prophet Isaiah said that even though we walk through fire, God doesn't let us get burned? Or would I be like so many others, who are angry with God, or have simply ceased to believe in a God who would allow so much suffering? I'm always impressed with the former, and I can't blame the latter. I get angry at God too, on their behalf.
In the midst of all the suffering, however, my committment to the gospel is strengthened. Too many of us go through our lives blind to the suffering that happens in our midst, and CPE has been a reminder to me that this world needs people who are willing to take off the blinders and really see people who are suffering. To really see them, and acknowledge their pain, and love them. Isn't that what Jesus would do?
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Getting in the boat
Today I am at the hospital for my third 24 hour on-call. One of the joys (?) of summer chaplaincy. I was sitting in the on-call room thinking to myself that it might be about time to start that blog I was always thinking about starting. To my surprise, I came to this site to find I had started the blog more than a year ago and forgotten all about it! Better late than never!
CPE has been an eye-opening experience in so many ways. I'm only one month in, but I've already learned so much--mostly about myself. Specifically, I've learned that some of the assumptions I had about myself and my own beliefs are in fact full of hot air.
I always thought that I had faith that God was in control. I always felt confident that I could rely on God's wisdom and power-- that though I might not always understand God's will, I trusted it.
Then CPE began.
I found myself relentlessly frustrated by the fact that in almost every situation I encountered, there was nothing I could do to make things better. I was powerless. I couldn't fix things. Most of the time, the most I can do on a practical, concrete level, is get someone a glass of water. I was overjoyed the other day when a patient asked me to call their pastor for them. Something to do! Something to make me feel needed and useful!!
Of course, I know full well, and knew going in, that my role here is not to fix anything. It would be pretty prideful of me to think that I could, really. Chaplaincy is, more than anything else, a ministry of presence. I need to get over all my own bullshit (or at least leave it at the door) and make myself fully present to each person that I see. I always talk about how we are all called to be the hands and feet of Christ... and this is a very real opportunity to live that out. Now is the time for me to walk the walk, not just talk the talk.
Realizing how powerless I am in the face of disease, tragedy, and death, I have become keenly aware of just how much I don't trust God. In every situation, my gut reaction is always, "what can I do?" Which may not be so bad all of the time, but it may also get in the way of my ability to simply be present with people. If I'm always trying to find out what I can do, I may just miss out on the opportunity to really listen, to really be present. Now is not the time for me to be an activist. Now is the time for me to be still. To listen. To pray. And to trust in God's power- rather than my own.
The stories in the revised common lectionary for today are the story of David and Goliath in the Hebrew Scriptures, and the story of Jesus calming a storm in the Gospel of Mark. What an interesting juxtaposition. On the one hand is a character who trusts so completely in God's power that he goes up against a powerful military enemy with no armour and nothing but a sling shot. On the other hand are a group of Jesus' very own disciples, panicking in the midst of a storm at sea despite the fact that God was right there with them in the boat. I was reflecting on these stories as I started my on-call rotation this morning. I was thinking about the fact that the point of these stories may not so much be that God is some kind of cosmic "fixer", even though in both of these cases, God provides miraculous outcomes. I was thinking that the point may actually be that the real miracle is that through all the storms we face in life-- including disease, death, tragedy, and loss-- God is right there with us, in the boat. So maybe that's what hospital ministry is about, in a way. As the chaplain, it's not my job to "fix" anything, but to climb into the boat, in the midst of the storm.
CPE has been an eye-opening experience in so many ways. I'm only one month in, but I've already learned so much--mostly about myself. Specifically, I've learned that some of the assumptions I had about myself and my own beliefs are in fact full of hot air.
I always thought that I had faith that God was in control. I always felt confident that I could rely on God's wisdom and power-- that though I might not always understand God's will, I trusted it.
Then CPE began.
I found myself relentlessly frustrated by the fact that in almost every situation I encountered, there was nothing I could do to make things better. I was powerless. I couldn't fix things. Most of the time, the most I can do on a practical, concrete level, is get someone a glass of water. I was overjoyed the other day when a patient asked me to call their pastor for them. Something to do! Something to make me feel needed and useful!!
Of course, I know full well, and knew going in, that my role here is not to fix anything. It would be pretty prideful of me to think that I could, really. Chaplaincy is, more than anything else, a ministry of presence. I need to get over all my own bullshit (or at least leave it at the door) and make myself fully present to each person that I see. I always talk about how we are all called to be the hands and feet of Christ... and this is a very real opportunity to live that out. Now is the time for me to walk the walk, not just talk the talk.
Realizing how powerless I am in the face of disease, tragedy, and death, I have become keenly aware of just how much I don't trust God. In every situation, my gut reaction is always, "what can I do?" Which may not be so bad all of the time, but it may also get in the way of my ability to simply be present with people. If I'm always trying to find out what I can do, I may just miss out on the opportunity to really listen, to really be present. Now is not the time for me to be an activist. Now is the time for me to be still. To listen. To pray. And to trust in God's power- rather than my own.
The stories in the revised common lectionary for today are the story of David and Goliath in the Hebrew Scriptures, and the story of Jesus calming a storm in the Gospel of Mark. What an interesting juxtaposition. On the one hand is a character who trusts so completely in God's power that he goes up against a powerful military enemy with no armour and nothing but a sling shot. On the other hand are a group of Jesus' very own disciples, panicking in the midst of a storm at sea despite the fact that God was right there with them in the boat. I was reflecting on these stories as I started my on-call rotation this morning. I was thinking about the fact that the point of these stories may not so much be that God is some kind of cosmic "fixer", even though in both of these cases, God provides miraculous outcomes. I was thinking that the point may actually be that the real miracle is that through all the storms we face in life-- including disease, death, tragedy, and loss-- God is right there with us, in the boat. So maybe that's what hospital ministry is about, in a way. As the chaplain, it's not my job to "fix" anything, but to climb into the boat, in the midst of the storm.
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